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Sex and When Should One Do It?

Sex is an intimate if not a pleasurable experience. When two people get frisky in bed, the idea is to enjoy and ideally connect at another level. So the bigger question is, when should one have sex? Is there a right time? There are two golden rules to follow so you can enjoy the experience and not regret having had sex with someone. So what are these golden rules of mine?

1) Scenario 1: Let’s say, you’ve been dating for a few weeks or even a few months. You’re having feelings for him and you think he does too. So it seems like the ‘right time’ to have sex. The right time however is when you are able to have sex and be 100% okay if you were to never hear from him again! Sounds crazy, I know! I’m not saying your guy will suddenly disappear and ghost you. But what if he starts getting distant and then eventually fades away. Will you be able to handle that, knowing you had just slept with him?

2) Scenario 2: Let’s just say, you’ve been dating for a few months and you had sex with him. How you react AFTER is what moves it forward or breaks what you have. If you (as a woman) start feeling insecure or start panicking post sex because now you’ve slept with the guy and you’re afraid he might have thought you were too easy or that he won’t call you again then that’s when you know you’re not ready to have sex with a man.

I’m not saying that a guy will leave a girl after he has slept with her. Some might and many won’t. Know him enough to feel certain that he isn’t that type of a guy to just walk away. If you’re in a relationship with a guy and you’ve just had sex, how you respond post sex is key. To him, if everything is fine and maybe he is just truly preoccupied with work etc., don’t read too much into it by assuming that he is planning to leave you or that he is fading away. These doubts are what will cause the crack in the relationship. There are two things you can do: 1) Have a pep talk with yourself. Remind yourself that he is into you and that everything is fine. 2) In your calm and loving tone, when he isn’t distracted with work, tell him you need a bit of reassurance and attention. Do it with love and not from a space of being clingy or worse having an emotional meltdown. That can freak a guy out.

To keep it simple, have sex when you are fine with whatever the outcome maybe post sex. Never sleep with a guy to secure the relationship. Never sleep with a guy to please him. Never sleep with a guy for any other reason other than you truly wanting to (and being okay about it).

If you’re dating and your man wants to have sex and you’re not sure. Then just tell him that, “I’m not sure if I’m ready. I may need some time.” The key is to check how you feel about what may come after (post sex). Don’t jump into it just because you’re horny. The consequences are something you need to be mindful of.

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